


Beneath Grey Skies

by DictionaryWrites



Series: Rogue Hawke [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Duty, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Loyalty, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Post-Game(s), Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-11-02 17:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20805053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DictionaryWrites/pseuds/DictionaryWrites
Summary: Fenris knelt in the sand beside him. It was a habit of Fenris’, now, to kneel when he saw Sebastian kneeling. What must it be like for him, to be able to kneel at a man’s side, and not at his feet? Sebastian couldn’t even begin to imagine.





	Beneath Grey Skies

Sebastian was on his knees in the sand, feeling the softness of it beneath his knees, the give, the dampness. It was a cold day, the wind howling and whistling in his ears, whipping one way and then the next about the coast, and Sebastian did not tear his gaze away from the grey, grey horizon.

He would make way for Starkhaven tomorrow.

No longer was he able to justify lingering within the comforting walls of the Chantry, where he knew himself and knew the rights of the world from the ills, where he could be... No longer. Duty dictated he return to the seat of the Prince of Starkhaven, with all its passions, its temptations.

Would he be a good prince?

Would he have been a better Chantry brother, were he able to stay? He could stay. How could it truly be selfish, to seek to serve the will of the Maker?

And yet he _knew_. He knew it would be selfish, that he was seeking too much to protect his own sensibilities, to linger in the safe arms of Andraste, hiding from the world. He could only work within the limits the Chantry set, as a brother, and the Chantry was even more chaotic than ever. 

Fenris knelt in the sand beside him. It was a habit of Fenris’, now, to kneel when he saw Sebastian kneeling. What must it be like for him, to be able to kneel at a man’s side, and not at his feet? Sebastian couldn’t even begin to imagine. 

“I will return to Starkhaven, tomorrow,” Sebastian said softly.

“Yes,” Fenris said. “I have arranged for us to ride on horseback for the first leg of the journey.”

Sebastian turned his head to look at Fenris, who was looking not at him, but at the horizon, as Sebastian had been. Was he comforted too, Sebastian wondered, by the rhythm of the grey waves, the white-grey sky? 

“You’ll join me, then?” Sebastian asked. “I thought you might stay here, with Hawke.”

“He has other people to assist him,” Fenris said softly. “And I would be away from Kirkwall.” He hesitated, and only now did he turn to meet Sebastian’s gaze. He looked tired, as tired as Sebastian felt, at the very least. “If you would have me. I don’t pretend myself to be an advisor, but a prince needs a personal guard he can trust.” 

Sebastian inhaled. Not for the first time, he was aware of the small gap between he and Fenris, and felt the ache to close it, to put his hands on Fenris’ body, on his face, to touch his thumb to Fenris’ lips or run his fingers through his hair, to press so close to him that they could feel one another’s heartbeat. When he knew he would return to the Chantry, he could never justify such things, but as a prince--

“I would be honoured to have you,” Sebastian murmured, “but not if it reminds you of your time with Danarius.”

“It wouldn’t,” Fenris said quietly. “No more than everything reminds me.”

Sebastian swallowed, clenching his fingers into loose fists as he leaned slightly forward. His mouth was so dry he could hardly stand it, and his breaths were shaky as he took them in. Something must have shown in his face, because Fenris leaned in, his brow furrowing.

“I need not follow,” he said earnestly, lowly, “if you would not wish me to. Sebastian, I--”

Sebastian caught hold of Fenris’ hands as he lifted them, clutching them in his own, and he shook his head. “No, I would be honoured, as I said, but I... Merely, Fenris, that I feel for you as I...”

Fenris stared at him, his eyes widening. “I would not pressure you to break your vows.”

“My vows are my own,” Sebastian murmured. “And already I leave them behind me. May I?”

Fenris nodded his head, and Sebastian interlinked their fingers, feeling the warmth of Fenris’ skin beneath his own, even as he leaned forward. He still felt the shifting dampness of the sand beneath his knees as he leaned in, his cheek brushing Fenris’, his nose touching against the side of his neck, his jaw. Heat radiated from Fenris as though the elf were a furnace, and when he felt Fenris’ breath ghost over the side of his own neck, Sebastian took in a sharp inhale of breath.

He had kissed hundreds of men and women, lain with dozens of them, and he knew it, he _knew_, all those memories of hot and heavy drunken evenings so far behind him, and yet, and yet, how could anything be so intimate as this? How could anything be so entirely, impossibly full to the brim with meaning as this moment, the two of them with their hands entwined, where Sebastian could drown himself in Fenris’ scent - in sword oil and lyrium and a mild scent Fenris would never admit to using, one that was blended into the balm Sebastian knew he applied each night to his shoulders.

“Should I call you _your highness_?” Fenris asked, his voice like the roll of one of the grey waves behind them in his ear, and Sebastian wanted to cry, so he laughed instead, and dragged Fenris into a kiss. Their mouths brushed against one another, and it was desperate on each side, eager, and yet there was a chastity in it that filled Sebastian with a relief. There was no sex in this kiss, only _devotion - _sex might come later, but for now, for _now_, he felt love, and loyalty.

“Not if you want to keep me,” Sebastian murmured, and they leaned against one another as though neither of them could weather their own weight, clutching at each other in the wet sand, gripping so tightly...

It was the start of something, that moment, Sebastian knew, he knew. It was the start of everything important, and the end of all that came before. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to hit up [my ask on Tumblr,](http://patricianandclerk.tumblr.com/ask) to talk about DA in general, and definitely to recommend blogs to follow! I am open for requests (for Origins, II, and Inq). I also run a no-drama Dragon Age Discord, which [you can join here.](https://discordapp.com/invite/ttgP5v8) Please comment if you can!


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